


Forty two shades of Dent

by Gregged



Category: Fifty Shades of Grey - All Media Types, Fifty Shades of Grey Series - E. L. James, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
Genre: Crack Crossover, Crossover Pairings, F/M, Fifty Shades of Grey References, Fluff and Smut, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy References, Light Bondage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29930517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gregged/pseuds/Gregged
Summary: Arthur Dent has settled on Betelgeuse and decided to start his life over when he meets the beautiful and seductive Anastasia Steele. Their relationship may end the universe as we know it.
Relationships: Arthur Dent & Anastasia Steele





	Forty two shades of Dent

Introduction 

There once was a man named Christian Grey who lived on a small blue and green planet in a small galaxy called the Milky Way. He was incredibly smart, rich, and handsome. His incredibly ruthless business nature was offset only by his philanthropic contributions. But this man had a dark side that only the women in his life would be privy to. 

I'm sure that the stories about his sexual exploits would tantalize women all around the galaxy but unfortunately they were all lost after that tiny blue green planet was pulverized by a Vogon construction fleet to make way for a cosmic bypass. This is not his story. 

Unfortunately this is the story about a man who is completely the polar opposite and much less interesting than him in every way possible. 

This is the story about Arthur Dent, who is the last human man in the universe and he now resides on a small planet near Betelgeuse where his good friend Ford Prefect was from.

After all of his misadventures through out the universe Arthur had decided to take up residence here because of it's many similarities with Earth. His friend Ford had given him a recommendation that enabled him to get a job as a reporter for the Galactic Times.

Arthur was a couple of months into his job when he landed his biggest interview yet. An exclusive one-on-one with business tycoon and the world's richest woman Anastasia Steele. 

So this is where our story begins, as they often do, in an office at top of the tallest building in the world. 

Chapter 1

Arthur stood outside of the giant Steele Magnolia building and there was something quite odd with it. He couldn't put his finger on it but something about it was vaguely familiar. Then it hit him, "it reminds me of those dreadful Vogon ships" he thought. 

When Arthur went inside he was met by Anastasia's personal assistant named Pogo. Arthur had made a little joke about a pogo stick that was completely lost on her considering that she had never heard of such a thing. Sometimes Arthur had forgotten that he was the only human on an alien planet. 

Pogo escorted him up to the 69th floor and said " Ms. Steele will see you now."  
Arthur's first impression of her office was that it was very cold but there was nothing wrong with the temperature. The room itself was very big and lacking any color. Everything was white and stainless steel. 

Arthur was staring at the walls when he heard "you can come on in honey, I'm not gonna bite." Arthur snapped out of his trance and walked over and introduced himself. 

"Er hello ma'am, I'm Arthur Dent."

"Yes I know who you are Mr. Dent. I'm a big fan of yours. My name is Anastasia Steele, pleased to meet you."

Arthur was a bit taken aback because he didn't know that he had any fans. Especially ones as rich and powerful as Anastasia Steele. 

There was another awkward pause before Anastasia spoke up "so Mr. Dent are you going to ask me any questions for your interview or should I just guess?"

"Umm questions, hmmm ,right, yes yes that's why I'm here is to ask you questions. Sorry if I'm a bit off my game, is it Thursday, it must be Thursday."

Anastasia just gave him a warm smile and said "it's quite alright Mr. Dent. Why don't we start the interview now."

Arthur said "err ok Ms. Steele, what would you say is the secret to your success?"

As Anastasia was answering his question Arthur realized that he wasn't listening to her at all. Instead his entire focus was on her breasts. And not because they were large, which in fact they were, but because she had three of them. 

"Umm excuse me Mr. Dent, I'm not sure what the custom was on earth but here on Betelgeuse you can get smacked in the face for staring at a womans breasts like that."

Arthur looked up and his face lit up red. " I'm terribly sorry Ms. Steele it's just that I've never, ummmm, is it common here for women to have three breasts?"

Anastasia smiled and said "why no it's not, it used to be a sign of royalty but now it's just a good way to get free drinks at the pub."

"So tell me Mr. Dent, are you really the last human male in the universe?"

"Please call me Arthur. You know that I try not to think about it but I suppose that I am the last of my kind."

"It must be so lonely being the only human on this planet?"

"It's actually kind of nice now really. You see I took a lot of strange and wild roads to get here and the last few months have actually been rather peaceful. I do miss my local pub and futbol from time to time though."

At that moment Anastasia got a buzz on her desk. She picked up a small communication device and listened for a few seconds. 

"I'm sorry Arthur but I'm going to have to cut our interview short, duty calls. How would you like to finish this up at my house later tonight. I've studied up on some human dishes and I believe that I could make something close to your human lasagna."

Arthur was flushed again and said "err sure Ms. Steele I umm I guess I could do that. You know I'd hate for you to go to any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all dear and please call me Anna. Please take this card and give it to my assistant when you leave and she will get you all set up."

With that she leaned down and gave Arthur a small kiss on the cheek. This sent Arthur's heart racing and he feared that his face would turn red permanently.

Anastasia gave him a mischievous smile and said "I'm looking forward to tonight Arthur Dent and please do remember your instructions."

Chapter 2

When Arthur got back to his house he placed a video call to his best friend Ford Prefect. 

"Arthur, how the hell are you old chap? How's everything on Betelgeuse?"

"Oh I suppose that everything is okay. I got that job at the Galactic Times thanks to your endorsement. In fact that's what I'm calling you about. Have you ever heard of a lady named Anastasia Steele?"

"Of course, she's one of the wealthiest people in the universe and she's quite lovely. What about her?"

"I think that I have a date with her tonight. I mean it might be a date, I don't know, it's probably not really a date. Although she did invite me to her house and she's cooking a meal soooo maybe it is a date."

Ford was just sitting there with his mouth open and then he said "you have a date with Anastasia Steele! She invited you to her house. You...."

Arthur looked a bit hurt. "She does seem to be a little out of my league huh."

"Out of your league... the girl is basically royalty and you well, you're you. 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. As if I weren't already nervous enough, some friend you are."

"I'm sorry Arthur it's just such a big shock. Listen I have a little bit of advice for you. Tonight when you're over there I want you to do everything the opposite of how you would normally do it." 

"So I shouldn't just be myself?"

"Oh no absolutely not. This woman keeps company with the smartest and most powerful men in the universe. If you show up as your mundane, neurotic, and boring self it's curtains for you my friend."

"Thanks for the advice, I guess. You know somedays I wish that you would have just let me die with everyone else on earth."

"No worries mate, you're gonna do fine. I gotta go now Arthur, remember what I told you. Good luck."

With that Ford hung up. Arthur was totally convinced now that tonight was going to be a complete disaster. 

Chapter 3

An air taxi dropped Arthur off at the Steele estate. He stood in front of a massive gate and pressed the red intercom button. A voice came over the intercom "helllooo, please state your name and your business."

"Err my name is Arthur Dent and I'm here to see Ms. Steele. We have a date or maybe an interview or umm well I'm not quite sure."  
Then the massive gate opened and a familiar face stood on the other side.

"Hello there Arthur, it's not completely awful to see you again."

"Marvin, it's you. I thought that you were dead."

"Unfortunately no. I was dead for a few years, those were the best years of my life, but Ms. Steele recommissioned me so here I am. I'm over a thousand millennias old with a brain capable of solving all of the problems in the universe but here I am a glorified door greater. I'm sooo depressed."

Arthur was yawning "you know I've missed our little chats" as they walked through the the front door of Anastasia Steele's house. 

Anna greeted Arthur with a warm hug and said "thank you Marvin, now would you be a dear and go check with the chef and see if supper is ready."

Marvin walked off towards the kitchen muttering something about the glory of death. 

"You know I've never really understood that robot" said Anna. "He's been like that for as long as I've known him" said Arthur. 

The couple went to the dining room and Marvin brought out their meal. It was the first time that Arthur had eaten lasagna since earth was destroyed. It was delicious.

Once the meal was over they retired to Anna's library room. There were books from all over the universe but what amazed Arthur most was the copy of Pride and Prejudice that he found. 

"Have you ever read that book" Anna asked him. 

"Unfortunately no. I was meaning to one day but then the world ended so it didn't seem to matter anymore. It is oddly comforting to see that something even as small as a book survived."

Anna walked up to him and gave him a drink. "I've always been a sucker for a good love story. Do you believe in love Arthur?"

"Ummm well I'm not sure. You see love has never really been my specialty."

"Tell me Mr. Dent, have you ever been in love?"

Arthur started to squirm a bit. "Er I don't know, maybe, possibly, I mean yeah uhhh no hell I don't know."

Anna walked up closer to him, circling him. "Do I make you nervous Arthur?"

Arthur's head was starting to spin. He didn't know what was in that drink but he was quite sure that he was already drunk. Anna was circling him and lightly touching him with her finger.

Arthur started to stutter an answer when Anna leaned in close to his ear and said "you know Mr. Dent, I have another room that I would love to show you. Would you like to see it?"

Arthur didn't trust himself enough to answer so he just nodded his head and then Anna took his hand and led him to the red room. 

Chapter 4

When they got to the room there was another robot waiting outside the door. It handed Arthur a piece of paper. Arthur's head was still swimming and he didn't understand what was happening.

"It's just a non-disclosure agreement my dear. It just means that you can't discuss the contents or anything that happens in this room with anyone, especially that little paper of yours. You have to sign it before we go in."

The robot handed Arthur a pen and he signed it. Then the robot unlocked the door and Arthur and Anna went inside. 

Arthur understood why this was called the red room. Almost everything in the room was blood red from the walls to the bed. But what caught Arthur's eyes first were all of the restraints. There were chains and handcuffs all over the place. 

"Umm what are all of the chains for" asked Arthur?

Anna gave him a devilish grin and said "you see Arthur I'm a girl who enjoys playing out certain fantasies and most of my fantasies involve...... torturing men."

"So you want to handcuff and torture me for you're own pleasure, that's crazy."  
Then Arthur remembered Fords advice from earlier and started thinking about the situation a little more.

Anna wrapped her arms around him and said "you won't be in any danger dear and if things get a little to intense you can use your safe word and everything stops."

"What's the safe word" Arthur asked?

"It can be whatever you want it to be honey."

"Can I use a number?"

"If you'd like. What number do you want dear?"

"Then I choose the number 42 as my safe word. Now if I say 42 everything stops and you let me out of this room correct."

Anna was behind him now and gently caressing his face and said "that is correct. So do we have an agreement?"

Everything in Arthur was screaming noooo but as he turned his head and met Anna's hungry eyes the word" yes" came out of his mouth.

Anna's lips widened into a full smile and she kissed Arthur hard on the lips. When she pulled away she said "oh my dear we are going to have so much fun together but not tonight. Tonight I just want you to make love to me the same way that you would one of your earth women."

She took off her shirt and Arthur's jaw hit the floor. Arthur thought to himself "damn I guess Ford was right" and then he proceeded to have the greatest night of his life.

Chapter 5

Arthur woke up the next day in his own bed. He could barely remember taking a taxi home and everything else was a bit blurry. His head was pounding like he had drank a whole case of pan galactic gargle blasters but he was sure that he didn't have any.

As the morning progressed his memory of last night started becoming clearer. A broad smile grew on his face when he thought about Anastasia Steele. That's when he found a little note tucked away in his pocket. 

My dearest Arthur 

I had a wonderful time with you last night last. I would very much like you to come back over tonight and if you're willing to submit I'd like to play out one of my fantasies in the red room. 

Love always 

Anna 😘😘😘

Arthur reread the note a couple of more times and then he started to worry about what kind of torture she had in mind. "Surely it won't be to painful or dangerous" he thought but his anxiety level was starting to rise.

Arthur spent most of the day talking himself into and out of going when finally the time came to make a decision and he went. 

This time when Arthur got to the gate it opened for him and Marvin was already there waiting to take him to the house.

"Hello Arthur I see that you've come back for more."

"Er yes I suppose I have. Marvin can I ask you a question?"

"If you must."

"It's about Anna's red room. Do you know what goes on in there?"

"The mistress keeps all the details about that rather private. None of her servants are allowed to discuss it."

Arthur sighed and said "I just hope that it isn't too much pain."

Then Marvin said "pain.... don't talk to me about pain. Life is pain."

This time there was no dinner waiting for Arthur and Anna didn't greet him at the door. This time Marvin took him directly to the red room.

As Marvin unlocked the door he gave Arthur one last look and said "it was nice knowing you Arthur."

As Arthur walked in the red glow of the room made him think that he was walking into Hell.

Chapter 6

Anastasia was sitting on on the bed wearing a skintight leather suit. She looked up and said "welcome Arthur, so good to see you again. Please come sit down next to me." 

Arthur slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. Anastasia sat up on her knees and scooted behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. 

"That's it, just relax Arthur and give yourself over to me."

Arthur closed his eyes and started to relax. He liked the feel of Anna pressed up against him. It wasn't long until he was laying face down in the bed with her straddling him.

That's when he heard a click and then another click. Arthur didn't think much about it until he was lifted up off of the bed.

Arthur was dangling upside down and then Anna was putting a ball gag over his mouth.

When Arthur was completely incapacitated Anna started to undress. She layed on the bed in front of Arthur stark naked holding only a small remote. 

She said "you know what makes me hot, what really gets me off... Vogon poetry."

Arthur's eyes went wide with horror. If there was anything in the universe that Arthur never wanted to hear again it was Vogon poetry. 

Anna layed back and pressed a button and a voice came over a loud speaker in the room. Arthur recognized the voice as Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz. And then he started to read. 

"Oh Freddled Grunbuggley  
Thy Machinations are to me  
As Plurdled Gabbleblotchits  
On a Lucrid Bee."

Anna locked eyes with Arthur as she started to touch herself. 

"Groop I Implore Thee  
My Footing Turlincoromes  
And Hooptiously Drangle Me  
With Crinkley Bindlewurdles"

Anna started to moan louder and louder while never losing focus on Arthur. 

All of Arthur's senses were overloaded. The sight of Anna masterbating in front of him had him fully aroused but the sound of the Vogon poetry had him completely repulsed. And as the poem was ending...

"Or I Will Bend Thee  
In The Gobblewarts  
With My Blurclecruncheon  
See If I Don't!"

At that Anna threw her head back and started convulsing as she achieved full climax. 

The sight of Anna's orgasim and the sound of the Vogon were to much for Arthur and he simply passed out.

Chapter 7

When Arthur woke up he was in his bed again. He had no idea how he had gotten there, he guessed that one of Anna's robots must have dropped him off.

Arthur began to think that the rumbling in his belly meant that he was hungry so he got dressed and went to the local cafe.

He sat down with a menu and the waitress brought him some coffee while he figured out what he wanted to eat.

As he was looking at the menu he could see a person standing in front of him. 

"A penny for your thoughts" said Anna and then she sat down on the opposite side of the booth.

Arthur just stared at her and there was a long uncomfortable silence. The waitress broke the silence when she came and offered Anna a menu.

Arthur had suddenly lost his appetite and just drank his coffee. 

"So would you like to talk about last night Arthur?"

"I'm not sure there's much to talk about really. Oh well maybe the part where I was bound and gagged and ear rapped by poetry but other than that nothing really happened."

Anna gave him a sheepish grin and said "well I did warn you that I have some err peculiar fantasies."

"Peculiar!!!! Lady you're down right crazy! Can I ask you a question? Why did you choose me?"

"I have read all about you Arthur. About how you're the last human and how you basically saved the universe. I'm the one that got you the job at the paper because I own it."

"I've been waiting my whole life for you Arthur Dent. I love you!"

Arthur was completely taken aback. Nobody had ever professed their love for him let alone someone as beautiful and powerful as Anna. 

Arthur reached out and took Anna's hand and said "I really like you Anna but I think we need to take this slowly. Maybe next time we can use the complete works of Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings."

A wide smile came across Anna's face and she said "Arthur, I think they will write stories about our love one day."

The end


End file.
